surrounded by a million people
i still feel alone
i just want to go home

Quicksand

I want to travel to see my friends, I want to travel with my friends.
I want to work a lot, in something that excites me,
towards something that brings happiness.
I want to see my family and talk with them for days.

I don't want to run away to far places just to find
out how much people care about me.
I don't want to be out of reach just so people know
how much I love them when I come back.
I don't want to be in debt for striving to be better.

I want to know that I am learning through living,
rather than being terrified of failing when I tried.



Does substance cost this much? I thought it was all around us.
I thought it was free. I thought it was something we were all capable of seeing.

university

southern virginia

happiness is all the rage

i finally saw all my friends today. first day of school. didn't attend any classes. apparently, i'm an illegitimate student here. i'm trying to sort these things out. slowly, but surely. i have found contentment in all possibilities.

i just want to be proud of myself and i am determined to excel wherever i am, doing whatever i can. sometimes we get these unexpected obstacles. it's kind of putting me down, yeah. i want to know that i left home and that i did something productive. everybody wants to make their family and friends proud. but i know that if i care so much about their expectations, i will not fulfill my own. and right now, i just need peace of mind, though i know nothing ever settles. welcome to the rest of life, right? i just need to get my grounding. i will get it. i don't need the name of my school. i don't need to be in a picture i cannot paint.

easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, init?

simplify; it's what i say.

lonely london

interesting how much sadness could be found in a place that brought so much happiness at one point. it happens when you realize what's no longer there and how much you don't feel or see that you thought you once did. a sober perspective makes this place empty of laughter.

and i've been caught by surprise. i feel like i am AT something that i thought i was IN not hours prior to where i sit now. i feel alone on the subject of accompaniment. my style has always been 'alone, but never lonely.' it seems the extreme opposite, isn't it.

i hate to think i'm throwing everything away over feelings, but i feel like those feelings have saved me from a lot of other things. as for the other feelings i have pertaining an important person. those are called to be put aside. give me a new story, though.

i need clairvoyance. please.

the twenty-eighth

i found you

do you remember

now i know why i stopped. his eyes. everytime i look at them, i want to be better. better than i was in the last glance. better in an instant. and i don't want to scare him away. i don't want to make him run away from me as fast as my past can catch up with me. i want to actually be what i desire to be. and separate that desire, turn it into reality.

nothing else has made me want to try so hard. and i don't want to be judged for it. i don't want to be ridiculed for trying. there was a time when my past was not present. when my past was a future i never expected. and i just had a good reminder of why i want to go back.

it's done. and i'll do it for you.